Alright, listen, we all understand that Disney World (OK, the WHOLE world!) has been through an ORDEAL in the last couple of years.

Park closures, health and safety measures, a bazillion and one changes to the way we do things in the parks…some days it has been nothing but pure chaos. And that got us thinking — with all the ways that Disney has adapted to the ever-changing world around us, what would the theme parks be like in the most outlandish, ridiculous, out-of-the-box scenario we could think of? Today, we’re discussing what Disney World would do in a zombie apocalypse! (Yes, we’re serious! Happy Halloween!)

First up, let’s just rip this band-aid off real quick — we’re like 96% sure zombies aren’t real. At least not yet. Jury is still out in the long run — who knows what craziness could come in the years down the road?! But whether your zombie-scape of choice is crazy and hectic like The Walking Dead or surprisingly chill like much of Day of the Dead, we’ve got a zombie survival plan for you. Remember — Disney World is basically a fortress of happiness and magic. But it could also serve as…you know, like, a literal fortress, should the need arise. Right?!

They’ve Been Training for YEARS

Believe it or not, Disney World has been training for a zombie apocalypse for years…even if they didn’t know it! Florida is home to a LOT of hurricanes and Disney is the expert when it comes to “battening down the hatches.” Cinderella Castle? Secure. Anything that could be damaged? They’ve got places to put it!

Did you know Disney World is certified by the NOAA as one of the safest places you can be during a hurricane?? Odds seem favorable that they’d make out better in a living dead situation than most places. If Disney ever had to take care of guests during a zombie apocalypse, all they’d have to do is put those hurricane procedures in place, and then ramp it up to like a level 12. We call it the Code DEAD contingency plan. (Get it? Like code red, but for zombies! Except they’re really undead. Did we overexplain that too much? Yeah, you probably got it. We’ll stop now.)

Instead of stopping by the hotel rooms where guests are hunkered down with bagged lunches and first aid kits, they’d stop by with survival supplies and other zombie-fighting weaponry. The Most Magical Place on Earth, indeed!

Besides that, the parks already have quite the solar power setup, plus their own government with the Reedy Creek Improvement District. You know all those movies and TV shows where society collapses in the wake of a zombie outbreak? Yeah, not at Disney World, my friends! They already thought of all that.

Their own fire department and security task force? Got it.

Their own way to generate power and filter water? Got it.

Their own way to grow food? Got it big time.

Plenty of room and board? Boom.

Tons of transportation options including zombie-proof aerial and aquatic methods like boats and the Skyliner? Yup.

You’re connecting the dots now huh? If it all goes down and zombies start “Thriller-ing” out the ground, you can bet we’re beelining it for Disney World! It would be its own self-sustaining zombie-fighting empire!

Just Think of All the Merchandise Opportunities…

If something big is happening, Disney can make a merchandise collection out of just about anything! (Trust us, they’re the people who came up with spaghetti-covered Stitch. We think they got a few ideas up their sleeves for the undead walking the earth again!) Just imagine all the zombie merch they could make!

We’re talking Loungefly bags, Minnie ears, Crocs, Spirit Jerseys…the possibilities are endless! Disney has even been known to do scented merchandise before, so that’s an option. What do you think zombies smell like (fingers crossed for waffle cone scented!)?

Ehhhh, after further consideration, we may pass on that one. We’ll definitely take the zombie backpack though — perfect for storing our apocalypse survival kit! In fact, we’ll accessorize our bag with an “I’m celebrating the Zombie Apocalypse” button. One thing that would be certain though, with any major event to hit the parks (dead walking the earth or otherwise), Disney will certainly find a way to make some scratch off the event.

They’d Jack Up the Prices

Because, why not?! If Disney World is trying to operate a zombie-free zone, it’ll take some extra dough to add in the bonus safety measures. They’ll need to increase prices to make a profit and to make it an exclusive experience! (The FOMO is real.) If you knew Disney World was a zombie-free safe haven, wouldn’t you be slightly more OK with paying a premium?

Supply and demand, my friends. You want that magical extra level of zombie safety, you gotta pay. If Disney World could really be a fortress of undead-free magical moments in this dark new world, you think that will come cheap? Think of shows like The Walking Dead and what those characters would do to get into the safe havens they found over the years. THIS one is even better than those AND comes with Mickey Bars. And Space Mountain. So yeah.

But knowing Disney World, there would also be bonus packages and add-ons that you can purchase for extra protection. What about a zombie-free After Hours event, where your family is guaranteed safety while they enjoy themed snacks and don their best costumes? We’re also envisioning the introduction of new planning tools — Zombie Survival and Zombie Survival+. The + means that it costs extra, but it comes with Lightning Lanes to the hospital in case of infection?

Marketing, Marketing, Marketing

Even in a zombie apocalypse, Disney World can still get guests to visit the parks, IF they market it the right way. We’re thinking an entire campaign titled “The Most Magical Apocalypse on Earth.” Instead of EARidescent designs, the new color scheme is army green, khaki, and camouflage. Shimmering golds and purples may look nice on a t-shirt, but when you’re spending hours hiding in the trenches of World Showcase lagoon avoiding the undead, you need camouflage, not glitter.

OK, we lie. There’s always room for glitter. Even in the undead apocalypse. We’re not monsters.

It would be so easy — all they have to do is promote Disney World as the safest place to vacation long-term. They could even extend the marketing to Disney+, including an original series about what it’s like to spend the apocalypse in the parks, or adding survival advice video shorts from Mickey and pals! We’d watch it (Holed up in our bunker with flamethrower in hand and volume on low, but still!). It would probably be hosted by Julianne Hough (cause doesn’t she host everything at Disney now?) in a bunker just off Main Street, U.S.A. with musical performances by Ariana Grande coming to you from a safe unnamed location that’s totally NOT the empty Fantasmic stage area in Hollywood Studios.

The Rides Would Get Repurposed

As much as we LOVE us some Disney rides, you gotta do what you gotta do. And in the face of a zombie invasion, you’ve gotten repurpose to suit your needs. We’d love to spend hours riding Seven Dwarfs Mine Train while zombies swarm outside the gates, but it’s just not practical, right? Riding a roller coaster during a zombie apocalypse? Ain’t nobody got time fo’ that. (And good luck hiring people to run the rides!) It would be a much more efficient use of space if we repurposed the rides to fit our needs.

That jail cell in the final scene of Pirates of the Caribbean? It’s functional now — where we’re keeping all the rogues and hooligans. Expedition Everest would become the new scouting post, considering its height is perfect for keeping an eye on all of Disney World. Living with the Land can grow to its full potential, we’d harvest the food and expand our reserves, and The Seas Pavilion would be open for fishing (it’s sad but necessary).

Part of a zombie apocalypse is knowing how to navigate dangerous terrain at night, so we’d run training exercises in Space Mountain to help improve night vision. Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin and Toy Story Mania are used for target practice, helping train our zombie defense forces. 

Animal Kingdom Residents Get New Jobs

Over at Animal Kingdom, guests would definitely start adopting the animals as their new survival assistants. Riding on herds of elephants or befriending the ostriches for self-defense would become a common practice, and the lions could be let loose in case of emergency. The circle of life…right, Simba?

We’re definitely thankful for the Feathered Friends in Flight show, because those birds would come in real handy when the power and internet inevitably shut down — we’ll need them to deliver messages between the parks! Oh yeah, it’s going to get all Dr. Dolittle up in here. :googles how to train messenger toucans:

Taking AdventHealth’s Sponsorship to a New Level

During the pandemic, AdventHealth and Disney formed a new partnership, mastering safety during a challenging time. However, those strategies will REALLY be put to the test during an apocalypse.

Be prepared for zombie bite checks instead of temperature checks and zombie protection patches and/or deterrents instead of masks. They’ll start offering workers to come to your hotel room and run a zombie check on your family for free. Of course, you do get extra benefits and protection if you buy that Zombie Survival+ we mentioned earlier.

People Would Form Survivor Camps

If we’ve learned anything from our hours of research watching zombie apocalypse shows and movies, we know that survivor camps would start to form almost IMMEDIATELY. And Disney World has some great candidates for locations!

One camp would obviously start on the abandoned Discovery Island (helloooo, a secluded island just offshore from Magic Kingdom? Perfect!), while another would form up in the fort and caves of Tom Sawyer Island in Magic Kingdom. Just raft to the “mainland” for provisions as needed. And speaking of Magic Kingdom, the utilidors would be a very useful place to live, considering you’re tunneled up underneath the park and protected from the elements (AKA bitey semi-human things!).

But, we’re also thinking that there would be some pretty interesting options as well, like the eerie accommodations of Haunted Mansion or Tower of Terror (good luck catching us o those neverending stairs, zombies!). The Cinderella Castle Dream Suite would also be a pretty great place to stay, but good luck getting inside! We’re willing to bet that it’s STILL exclusive, even during an apocalypse. Could you imagine the ultimate zombie survival retreat — chilling IN the castle?!

An EPCOT Festival, Of Course

And finally, let’s discuss the happenings over at EPCOT. This park hosts a festival pretty much year-round these days, so we don’t see why the end of the world as we know it would be an exception to that rule!

Just think of all the zombie pun-related food dishes they could serve! Zom-BEANS and rice? What about a You Better RUM and Hide Punch? Meat options that are not-so-undead? Second thought, what if the whole thing is sponsored by Impossible foods? Maybe the idea of all that red meat might not seem so appealing after, you know, zombies ‘n all.

And of course, a festival isn’t complete without entertainment! We’d need to have the Mariachi Cobre (dressed like zombies), the Voices of Liberty (singing entirely in grunts and moans), and Undead Drummers (AKA, the Jammitors). These guys have basically lived in EPCOT performing since the reopening so it makes sense to keep them working once Z-day arrives!

Well, we don’t know about you, but Disney World sounds like a pretty delightful and inviting place to spend a zombie apocalypse. Hopefully, Disney never has to think about these things, but if they do, we’ve got a contingency plan right here — wrapped up neatly and tied in a nice little bow! (All they have to do is let us hole up in the Cinderella Castle Dream Suite to use it. )

OK, OK so is any of this REALLY feasible? Of course not. We’re pretty sure (again, PRETTY sure!) the day won’t come soon that we’re battling the undead in the shadows of Fantasyland, but just in case, it’s nice to know the option is there. But we hope you got a giggle out of the “what if” of it all. If Captain America can be a zombie, we can imagine what Disney World would be like with them too! After all, it IS Halloween.

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Would you visit Disney World during an apocalypse? Let us know in the comments!

The post How Would Disney World Survive a Zombie Apocalypse? first appeared on the disney food blog.